Before the election I predicted that, if he won, Joe Biden would call the Butterball Hotline at least once during his presidency. I stand by that. He just gives off that vibe. As we wait for our 46th president to prove me correct, here’s another POTUS—“Joe Bethersonton”—doing the deed:
My annual list of thanks, a Molly Ivins bon mot, and a few more goodies below the fold. Then let’s eat.
Cheers and Jeers for Thanksgiving 2020
Note: As for the rest of the C&J posting week, nothing formal tomorrow, although we’ll post a “Who won the week” poll—the greatest ever—in the diaries at our usual Friday evening time (7:30ET). Back Monday. Have a great holiday and may your end of the wishbone be the long one.
Date of Lincoln’s Thanksgiving proclamation: 10/3/1863
Number of NFL games today: 2 (Ravens-Steelers game postponed due to Covid-19)
Population of Turkey, Texas (hometown of Bob Wills): 384
Percent of Parade readers who believe calories don’t exist on Thanksgiving: 69%
Number of Thanksgivings during which Eric Trump has gotten his head stuck in a can of cranberry sauce: 6
Number of Americans who intend to eat human brains for Thanksgiving dinner, up from 4,021 last year and spreading rapidly from northwest to southeast (stay tuned to your short-wave radios for updates and lock your doors): 5,641
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The Progress Report has come up with some dandy things to be thankful for, starting with American troops. It also lists:
Rep. Jack Murtha, D-Pa., for showing it’s patriotic to speak your mind.
The 90 senators who stood up to Cheney to say that torture is not an American value.
The 79 senators who demanded the Bush administration detail a plan for Iraq.
That Sen. Bill Frist is not our physician.
Consider these additional delights: Tom Delay is under indictment, Heckuva Job Brownie is no longer on the public payroll, and for some inexplicable reason, the administration found a Republican prosecutor in the Plame affair who seems to care more about the law than politics. […]
There’s music in poor bleeding New Orleans again, Ted Koppel and his hair put in a commendable 25 years, some terrific new films are out, my puppy has not eaten a shoe for an entire month now, and the Mountain West is moving from red to purple. So let’s all loosen our belts and get right down to the all-American tradition of overeating on Thanksgiving. It’s still a great country, even if it is a little strange. I am grateful for all my fellow citizens — how would we know it was America if we didn’t hear regularly from the nincompoop faction? Happy turkey to you all.
—Thanksgiving 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Suck it up, Buttercup…
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And my world-famous annual…
Things For Which I Am Thankful: 2020 Edition
Our republic, which we’ve decided to keep for at least four more years
The 2020 Biden-Harris landslide
Red-to-blue flips Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Arizona
Grassroots Democratic organizers and voters, especially in red states and doubly-especially women of color
Campaign volunteers, ride sharers, and polling place workers
Nancy Pelosi, preparing for her historic 4th term as Speaker of the House
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Katie Porter, and all the other kickass-style House Democrats
Having an astronaut (Mark Kelly) in the Senate again
The judges, legal teams, and elections officials who made Trump’s attempted coup one of the clumsiest and inept debacles in American history
House Intelligence and Impeachment Committee chair Adam Schiff
The legacies of Rep. John Lewis and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg
Maine’s state government, which will spend another year with Dem control of the state House and Senate, and Democratic governor Janet Mills navigating the Covid-19 crisis with skill and compassion
The Congressional Black, Hispanic and Progressive Caucuses
Doctors
Nurses
Hospital administrative workers
Dr. Anthony Fauci
Essential workers
The Covid-19 tracers and trackers
The vaccine researchers sciencing the shit out of the virus
The governors and state health officials making difficult decisions and sticking to them as mobs of ignorant narcissists embrace superspreader events
Americans wearing masks (including over their nose), social distancing, and frequently washing their hands
New Zealand, for showing the world how to fight a pandemic together and win
The first responders and relief organizers who went above and beyond in the wake of this year’s hurricanes, floods, and wildfires
Employers who give their employees Thanksgiving off
Employees who don’t get the day off so they can keep vital services running while the rest of us do
Teachers
Immigrants
Caregivers
Our troops over here and over there
Wind turbines and solar panels
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AMERICANS WHO VOTED
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Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and SNL for continuing the renaissance in late-night political humor
Randy Rainbow and Sarah Cooper for lighting up social media
Freedom of the press
Freedom of speech fuck Trump
The hero witnesses of the Trump impeachment hearings, including Marie Yovanovitch, Alexander Vindman, Bill Taylor, and Fiona Hill.
The cardboard boxes that’ll hold the stuff of departing White House maniacs Stephen Miller, Jared, Ivanka, Mike Pence, and the most destructive and corrupt cabinet in American history
The #5 thing on internet lists that actually SHOCK me
The Lincoln Project, for showing Democrats how to throw a punch
Ta-Nehisi Coates, Malcolm Nance, Joy Reid, Bishop William Barber, Joan Walsh, Charles Pierce, John Nichols, Howard Dean, E.J. Dionne, Eugene Robinson, David K. Johnston, the Kagro in the Morning radio show
Chuck Rosenberg’s zen aura
Naomi Klein, Marcy Wheeler, Rachel Maddow, Chris Hayes, Trump money-follower David Fahrenthold, Trump fact-checker Daniel Dale (who documented all 20,000+ of Trump lies), David Corn, Lawrence O’Donnell, Nicolle Wallace, Joy Reid
Atrios, Digby, Charles M. Blow, Americablog, John Cole, Joe Jervis, Michelangelo Signorile, Dan Savage, Leonard Pitts, Lizz Winstead
Media Matters, The Hispanic Federation, The Southern Poverty Law Center, PFAW, PFLAG, 350.org, RAICES, March for Our Lives, Indivisible, Black Lives Matter, Run For Something, Planned Parenthood, NAACP, IAVA, ACLU and the many other advocacy organizations that prevented the worst of Trump’s abuses, often in coordination with each other
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Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter
Bill and Hillary Clinton
Barack and Michelle Obama
Joe and Jill Biden
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My partner, Michael, for growing old with me
Obamacare
All of my bosses (if you’re reading this, you’re one of them) at Daily Kos
The front-pagers and diarists here, for explaining stuff I don’t know boo about
My morning front-page blogger-neighbors: the Abbreviated Pundit Roundup, morning cartoonists, and Elections Morning Digest
The rest of the progressive blogosphere, for having the wisdom to follow all of the orders issued by “Keyboard Kingpin” Markos “Mouse Tits” Moulitsas
Netroots Nation and its organizers, for executing a flawless virtual convention when the pandemic prevented the in-person one from happening in Denver
Those amazingly upbeat Good News Roundups
Dirty Fucking Hippies. We must breed more of them.
M’ doggie. M’ pootie. M’ squirrels.
Wineries
Distilleries
Breweries
Teriyaki sauce
Mayochup yes I said mayochup!
Taco Tuesdays
Excedrin Migraine. Next to the epidural, God’s gift to pain relief.
Blueberries
Candy corn
Snow
Evolution
Electric cars
High-speed rail
NASA
The expected return of net neutrality
The expected return to the Paris Climate Agreement
Unions
Diversity
The Resistance
Maine’s proximity to Canada
Peace. (Yeah, it’s a word. Really. I looked it up.)
That magic moment every day at 6am when the Bacardi 151 crosses the blood-brain barrier.
Microwave ovens, which are excellent for re-heating food that gets cold because some idiot spent three hours listing all the stuff he was thankful for.
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