Dispatch from the Front Lines
Courtesy of The Daily Show…
They shall overcome.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 8, 2021
Note: Got a text last night from the International Space Station: ”Send oxygen now! Send oxygen now! “ Yeah, like I’m just sitting on a bunch of extra air. Go mooch off someone else, pal.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til the Olympics in Tokyo: 15
Months as of Tuesday since Republicans tried to overthrow the U.S. government: 6
Percent of Americans polled by Gallup who say they’re “extremely proud” to be Americans, up from 21% last year: 26%
Percent of people around the world who say they’re satisfied with the amount of freedom in their lives—the highest recorded in the history of Gallup’s tracking poll: 83%
Portion of Americans polled by Harris who say they got better with their personal money management during the pandemic: 1-in-3
Rank of Canada among the world’s consumers of mac ‘n cheese: #1
Age of the Sony Walkman as of this year: 42
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The trouble with piling lies on top of lies is that we can’t even agree on facts anymore.
I read the right-wing commentators, and it’s not that we’re not on the same page — we’re not even in the same library. They read the Downing Street memos and convince themselves they don’t mean what they say. I really don’t understand: Is it that hard to admit you’re wrong when you’re wrong? Is it that hard to admit that the invasion of Iraq has been a disaster? Isn’t it self-evident?
If you support someone politically, you are not required to believe they are perfect. —July, 2005
Puppy Pic of the Day: New arrival…
CHEERS to finally getting your due. Yet another sign that, despite the variants that are still swirling, the worst of the pandemic is behind us, thanks to the smarts, skill and stamina of the superhumans who shepherded us through the COVID pandemic. Like America’s liberators in uniform and space pioneers before them, yesterday our country’s men and women in scrubs were hailed as heroes in New York City:
New York City held a ticker-tape parade Wednesday to say thank you to the essential workers who helped the city through the COVID-19 pandemic.
The Hometown Heroes Parade kicked off at 11 a.m. along a stretch of downtown Manhattan known as the Canyon of Heroes, which has hosted parades for over a century. […]
Sandra Lindsay, a Queens nurse who made history as the first person in the U.S. to get a COVID vaccine, was leading the parade as grand marshal. “I am so grateful. It feels like we’re getting a big hug all over again from the entire city,” she said.
Child care, transportation, food and utility workers, among others, also joined [the health care workers]—each critical in leading the city through the COVID-19 crisis. “You need electricity to keep the ventilators running in the hospital, to keep the lights on in homes and businesses,” said Maureen Kreider, of Con Edison. “Our workers were behind this effort, and I’m so proud to be a part of them.”
True fact: Actual stock-market ticker tape hasn’t been tossed since they stopped using ticker machines 50 years ago. Today organizers find and shred paper with no discernible value that can then be unceremoniously disposed of. If my sources are correct, yesterday they showered the parade with strips from The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Mike Pence.
JEERS to the rapidly-closing window of opportunity. The new Congress has been in session for six months now, with an August recess and then mid-term madness looming. So let’s check in with our Democrat-led legislative branch and see how their ironclad 2020 campaign promises are progressing:
House of Representatives
Voting rights bills — PASSED
Immigration bill — PASSED
Climate change bill — PASSED
LGBTQ rights bill — PASSED
Health care bill — PASSED
Infrastructure bill — PASSED – Senate
[Beep!] “We’re sorry. The lawmaking body you have reached is no longer functional. Please hang up and try a different lawmaking body, like maybe busing in Canada‘s parliament for a few weeks. We regret the inconvenience. Good bye.” [Click.]
Hey, between the two chambers we’re battin’ 500. In baseball that gets you in the Hall of Fame. I mean…right?
CHEERS to Yankee Ingenuity. On this date in 1872, the doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel of Thomaston, Maine. But only after his early attempts to market it as the Ronco Miracle Circumcision Wizard failed to catch on.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
JEERS to worthless bags of skin. I guess we have to toss this in the C&J archives for posterity, even if it stinks up the joint. George W. Bush’s handpicked Herman Goering, Donald Rumsfeld (who, parenthetically, was a classmate of my dad’s at New Trier High School in Winnetka, Illinois and Dad had nothing nice to say about him), is finally dead at 91, and the obituary writers are having a dickens of a time coming up with adjectives for the two-time Republican defense secretary. Here’s CNN’s attempt to say “unrepentant cold-blooded murderer” without actually saying it:
Acerbic, Pugnacious, Effervescent, Mischievous…
Cocky, Arrogant, Confrontational, Defiant.
Glad he’s gone? Gosh yes. Hoping he’ll be beaten with shoes by the civilian victims of his Iraq bloodbath for eternity? Of course. Because you go to the deepest circle of Hell (and areas east, west, south and north somewhat) with the legacy you have, not the legacy you want or wish to have at another time. Asshole.
CHEERS to today’s edition of On What F*cking Grounds, You Idiot? Courtesy of NBC News:
Former President Donald Trump is expected to announce Wednesday that he will file lawsuits against Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey over being banned from their platforms, a source familiar with the coming announcement confirmed to NBC News.
This has been today’s edition of On What F*cking Grounds, You Idiot?
Ten years ago in C&J: July 8, 2011
CHEERS to cleaning up this joint. I thought Republicans had beaten our side so badly on regulations of any kind that the very thought of new ones would only come after unicorns walked the earth. But today EPA head Lisa Jackson is popping the lid off a bunch of tough new clean air regulations. Highlights:
- They’ll cost $800 million but save an estimated $280 billion in health costs.
- They’ll save between 14,000 and 36,000 lives a year by controlling drifting pollution from coal-fired power plants.
- Sulfur dioxide reduction vs. 2005 levels: over 70 percent.
- Nitrogen oxide reduction: over 50 percent.
Republicans say the EPA is “out of control” with their—say it with me—”job-killing regulations” and want to delay enforcement for a year so they can put the finishing touches on their own clean-air plan. So far it includes tax cuts and reducing human breathing to six days a week.
And just one more…
CHEERS to ending every week on a high note. Every Friday our C&J poll asks, “Who won the week?” We do our best to round up ten solid candidates who make us feel a little mushy-gushy and remind us that all is not lost. Thanks to your smarts and good sense, the Class of the Second Quarter of 2021 is a good-lookin’ bunch. As we leave in the rear-view mirror the holiday celebrating our chaotic birth, it’s good to know that, 245 years later, do-gooders still walk among us. The envelopes, please…
Apr 2 Team Biden-Harris: releases jaw-dropping infrastructure plan; 75% public approval on vaccine rollout; executive actions on anti-Asian hate; 1st POTUS to honor Transgender Day of Visibility
Apr 9 The prosecutors and their witnesses in the Derek Chauvin trial, who are making it near impossible to believe that George Floyd’s killer is anything but guilty
Apr 16 Rep. Maxine Waters, for putting loudmouth Rep. Jim Jordan in his place during a committee hearing: “You need to respect the Chair and shut your mouth.”
Apr 23 The prosecutors, witnesses, and peaceful activists who did their part to bring about 3 guilty verdicts in the Derek Chauvin murder trial. Special mention: Darnella Frazier, the 17 yr. old who got George Floyd’s murder on video
Apr 30 President Biden: 100 days of mega-success; 6.4% GDP in Q1; 1st POTUS to recognize Armenian genocide; speech to joint session of Congress gets 85% approval; sets for a spell with Jimmy Carter in Plains; marks Amtrak’s 50th b’day
May 7 Federal Judge Amy Berman Jackson, for siding with CREW and ordering the release of a memo revealing that Trump is guilty of obstructing the Mueller investigation and former AG Bill Barr is guilty of perjury
May 14 The vaccinated: fed mask rule lifted for fully-vaccinated; U.S. hits 300M shots; 12-15ers get green light for Pfizer shot; fully vaccinated share Mom’s Day in person with family (hugs courtesy of the Democratic party)
May 21 The vise of justice, as the NY Attorney General’s office announces that, along with the Manhattan DA, it’s elevating its investigation into the Trump organization from “civil” to “criminal”
May 28 The tightening vise of justice, as Manhattan DA Cy Vance, Jr. empanels a grand jury to decide whether to indict Donald Trump and/or his stooges for tax/real estate fraud
June 4 Lake Highlands, TX High School valedictorian Paxton Smith, for changing up her pre-approved commencement speech to shine a light on the assault on women’s health by white male GOP state legislators
June 11 The indigenous tribes, landowners, and environmentalists who fought for years to keep the Keystone XL pipeline from going online, as the project is permanently scrapped
June 18 The vision of ‘Grandmother of Juneteenth’ Ms. Opal Lee, 94, as the Senate, House, and President Biden approve making Juneteenth a national holiday
June 25 Attorney General Merrick Garland and the Department of Justice, for filing a lawsuit against the state of Georgia over their Jim Crow 2.0 voting laws
Who will our gold-star winners be in the third quarter? Oh, that’s for you to decide.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial
GOP Rep. Chip Roy Says the Quiet Part Out Loud: “18 More Months of Cheers and Jeers…That’s What We Want!”